Officially, Officially Done

From last Thursday, the day after officially being done with the Master Cleanse (picture taken by Brian Griesbach):
I don't know what you can get from that picture but there it is, the After picture.

I had two solid, healthy poops today, which makes me think that, with the speed that my body is digesting food, that my colon is in better shape than it was before; I've heard it said that people with healthy digestive systems poop two to four times a day. I took it as a good sign, in any case.

Today was officially my return to a regular diet, without any restrictions from the cleanse. That was a breakfast of Grape-Nuts and indeed they tasted better than ever. I had a dinner of spinach-artichoke dip, half a caesar salad, and half a carne asada pizza from CPK (yeah, I know, but for some reason I was just itching for crappy pizza). Definitely felt bloated after that but that was my splurge to designate that I was officially done with the cleanse. I hope I don't eat like that more often but I think it was good this time.

That having been said, I'm off to Chicago for five days and certainly that will include fast food and junk to eat but I was planning on it anyway. I'm going to try to not go crazy with it but I know how I can be. We'll see. In any case, when I get back I'm back on a better, higher-fiber diet for as far as I can see. We'll see how this cleanse has affected my future habits (which was originally the reason I did it).

Recovery, Catching Up

Sunday went well. I had a banana around noon when I was walking into the convention, and had an organic, multi-grain hot pretzel that tasted like cardboard but that was the first real bread I’d had in almost two weeks. When I was almost done I got a sharp but minor pain near where I think my abdomen is but it went away. Figure it was my body trying to digest something it had forgotten. That evening I had a late lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, around 6, that was a great veggie-burger and a salad (I had forgotten the joys of honey-mustard dressing). I had some onion rings with that but I didn’t think it was the greatest crime, and I didn’t feel any distress with digesting it all. The fruit smoothie I had was probably more sugar than I should have had but if that was it, I’m probably doing okay.

Later that evening, around 10:30, I had a dinner, at Denny’s, of a veggie-burger as a steak, with lots of ketchup, and vegetable rice (since they didn’t have mashed potatoes, which is the reason I went), corn (which tastes incredibly plain without butter or salt), and a biscuit. Went to sleep a few hours after that so it wasn’t just before bed.

Yesterday was pretty much back to the old diet, but still trying to stay away from meat and dairy. I went to a movie and had some popcorn and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be without salt and butter (movie popcorn being such an evil for me I consider it a vice). After that was a lunch at Panda Express and no meat and no fried rice (though white rice isn’t too much better) and spring rolls (which are horribly fried and the crappy hot mustard doesn’t make it too much worth it) and egg flower soup (probably mostly corn syrup). When I got home I had two peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, one of the things I was dying for through the cleanse, and some tortilla chips I’d forgotten I had. (Tortilla chips really aren’t much better for you then Doritos so I’m going to try to curb myself from those, too.)

Today is a banana so far and I don’t have anything else planned so I’ll see how it goes. Tomorrow will be back to meat and dairy and I’m going to start the day with a bowl of cereal, probably Grape-Nuts.

No, I’m not going to detail every thing I eat from this point. I’m just letting you know where I am as I settle back into a life with a more normal diet (though I’m actively trying to make it better than it’s been before).

I also went running today for the first time since before the cleanse and it was a great feeling. The only exercise I’ve had in the last two weeks was walking around the convention center, which was certainly being active, but not enough to make you sweat (depending on who you are and where you are in the convention center). I’m glad to be able to run again, especially now when the weather is really nice.

I'm also home now again so I'll be doing these last few entries and updates on a more regular basis.

Recovery, Days 3 and 4, In Review

We went to Joe's Crab Shack on Friday night and I should have guessed that they wouldn't have vegetable soup. Even worse when your dining companions complain that their dinners -- fried fish and cole slaw and other stuff you can't eat -- aren't very good and you're sitting there with glasses of orange juice. But we went by the store on the way back and I had a bowl of vegetable soup and light rye crackers for dinner, which I wouldn't pick as my last meal but it was glorious, being the first real, solid food I've had in 13 days. Also note that sctrictly-titled "vegatable" soup seems to have pasta in it, which I'm trying to avoid, and "garden vegetable" has just vegetables and I don't understand why they would do something like that.

Last night I had a salad for dinner at some Islands-type place near Seaport Village. It was a nicoise (I know I spelled that wrong) salad, no tuna, just lettuce, green beans, tomatoes, and olives, which I sure have become a fan of, and a vinegarette dressing, tossed. I didn't care for it at first but once I got used to it, it wasn't too bad. Of course I was hungry again half an hour later but for a little while I was full.

Today is my first day back on a regular diet, except for meat and dairy, and I'm going to hold off on drinking a little while longer. Essentially I'm a vegan, so that's cool with veggie-burgers and the like, but I find it odd that they're allowed to have fried things like French fries and onion rings -- which actually works for me but you would think that vegans would be thinner.

Recovery, Day 2

My enthusiasm for drinking something other than the lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper mixture went away when it was only orange juice all day long that I had to drink. But it's something, and I knew that would probably be the worst of it. Today is vegetable soup for lunch and dinner, if I can find it when we're out and about. I'm wondering if you're allowed to put salt on it.

Went to Target yesterday to use a scale and it said 198 lbs. for me. It was an electronic scale so we didn't trust it and I later went to a 24-Hour Fitness and used their scale and it said the same thing. Fair enough. I lost about 5 lbs., most of it probably water. And I'll probably put it back on when I'm all done with all this but at least I know my colon will be cleaner.

The "Master Cleanse Done" entry might seem a little of place in time since it's dated from Wednesday night but dated like it was written Thursday night, which it was. Sorry if there was any confusion. (I love Blogspot if for no other reason than you can post entries in the past.)

Jason's E-Mail

I've made mention of the e-mail from Cousin Jason, sent last Monday, my first day on the cleanse. Jason has been a well-known and well-respected respiratory therapist so he has a medical background and he's been a very good friend of mine since high school. I got this e-mail early in the day but didn't check it until the evening. (There were paragraph indents but they didn't come through in this blog format. However, the rest of it is completely unedited):
First of all and I want you to put this up on your site. You are screwing with shit that can kill you. Did you have an EKG, CBC, and a Chem 7 done before starting this? Are you having a Chem 7 done daily while you are on this? Did you have a Doctor do a physical? You are messing with the Chemical Balance in your body and fucking it up and you are doing it on purpose. Mar, this can seriously fuck you up in ways you couldn't even begin to comprehend. Salt draws water out of the body. In essence all that water that you are shitting out is indeed water coming from the inside of your body. It's water being drawn from your Kidney's and Liver to be exact. You are basically dehydrating yourself, what's worse is you are intentially increasing the PH levels in your body, and putting undue stress on your Liver and Kidney's the likes that could make them fail. You are fucking with the electrolytes that make your heart go boom boom. You have a friend here that you can discuss these ideas with and tell you the right way on going about it. You have a daughter to think of now and she needs her Dad. Everytime you put that Salt stuff in your body it draws electrolytes and water from the inside of your body. You are also artifically increasing the salt content of your body. Here is what is happening. You drink the salt mixture. It goes down to your stomach where it mixes with the acid in your stomach. Your stomach doesn't like the salt so it forces it out where it then mixes with the bile. Now your stomach is really upset and shoots the salt/bile/acid mixture down further where the salt binds on the intestinal wall. This draws water out of the blood system but also increases the salt in your blood. Your system then sends this highly saturated Blood/Salt mixture to your Liver and Kidneys where it tries to filter it out. But to do this it has to move more water from the surrounding area to dilute the salt. This dries out the Kidney Cells and Liver Cells thus killing them and forcing them to into an already stressed situation. In your intestinal track the salt has now drawn out enough fluids to keep moving down the road. This highly accidic salt mixture keeps drawing more and more fluid till it finally comes out. When it does it removes a significant portion of the Acid that regulates your body. Now you are in what is called a Metabolic Alkalosis which has significant effects on your Respiratory drive, your Immune system, and even how you think and act. Your immune system won't work right so you are going to begin feeling like shit because your body is being attacked. Your body can't regulate your normal cooling system right so the sweat ducts become clogged and you break out. Your bodies normal steroids get all out of whack and even enhances this. You smell like crap because in essence you are slowly dying. The electrolytes that help your brain communicate to the nervous system begin to missfire because you have artificially increased the salt content of your body while lowering the Chloride and Potassium. Now it's all out of whack and begins to try to balance itself. Your not breathing normal because your Respiratory drive is trying to slow down your breathing so your body can get back to a normal Ph. Dude and there is so much more. Go see a real Doctor. Discuss with him this diet. He'll probably tell you what I am saying above but if you insist then at least you can keep track of what is really going on and if you end up in the ER because you have heart palpatations they know what to do to help fix you. Why didn't you just go buy a gun and 5 bullets and every night put one in, hold up the gun to your head, and squeeze the trigger. It would of been less painful. You have a friend here who knows more about Blood Levels, the Respiratory System, the Hematicrit System, than most Doctors, and you never thought to send him a tell to discuss if this was a good idea? Go see a Doctor and tell him what you are doing before you really fuck up your system. You may just come out OK but there is a good chance you may end up in the ICU with a tube down your throat. As you can tell I'm pretty upset. Knowing that one of my friends maybe killing themselves doesn't sit well with me.
I admit that I didn't check with a doctor before I started this, as they always recommend seeing a doctor before starting any diet. My family has no ailments that I know of, especially any heart conditions. I figured I was okay to do this cleanse but honestly I didn't give it a lot of thought or research before jumping into it.
Jason's main concern seems to be the amount of salt I was taking but it's not like I was drinking the salt-water mixture all day; the amount of salt I was taking in (two or three teaspoons) was less than a pack of ramen or how much I put on my popcorn. I talked to Jason after this and he calmed a bit and we both seemed to understand where the other was coming from. He admitted he came on a bit strong and I admitted I probably should have seen a doctor. But this e-mail from him really freaked me out, especially having gotten it near the end of the first day when I was hungriest and when my body chemistry started getting out of whack. But talking to my doctor friend the next day helped and I've stayed on track and I've gotten through it fine. But I'll say this if you're considering doing this cleanse: See a doctor first.

Master Cleanse Done

That's it. I did it. I made it through the whole Master Cleanse, not eating solid food, only drinking the mixture and water and laxatives and tablets, and now I'm on the other side. It's been tough, especially in the last few days of being in San Diego and being with friends in the evening, when I'm the hungriest, and not being able to eat. But my willpower carried me through and here I am. There have only been a few times in my life I have been more proud of myself.

However, I can't just jump back to my normal diet, as the book says:

Due to the massive changes in your body that happen during the Master Cleanse, exiting requires a careful process. It’s not good to just drop the cleanse and go back to eating the same foods you were eating prior to starting the Master Cleanse. This will wreak havoc on your body and even make you sick.

Since your body has adjusted to the Master Cleanse, some important steps should be followed to help your body come off the Master Cleanse properly. Here are some important guidelines to follow:The first day of ending the cleanse you should avoid all solid food. Start drinking orange juice and water. Drink slowly and let it settle. More water never hurt anybody, so drink plenty. Orange juice is good for helping your body adjust back to digesting regular food.

On the second day, continue drinking orange juice and lots of water. Now you can add in light soups. It is best to use vegetable soup as this is healthy and very light, and you can also eat Rye wafers. This food will be easy on your stomach and will help it to adjust back properly.

On day three you should continue with soup and drinking plenty of water. For dinner, you can add in fruits, vegetables, and salad. These foods are still easy on the stomach and very healthy.

For the next couple days follow this plan and ease yourself back into a normal diet.

Don’t rush it; let your stomach calibrate itself. Also, avoid meats and milk for at least 5 days. Milk can irritate your stomach during this process and meat is very hard for the stomach to digest.

Finally, when your stomach adjusts to solid food you should consider eating some yogurt. The Master Cleanse eliminates a lot of waste and bacteria that are bad for your body, but you will also lose some good bacteria that are actually beneficial to your body.

I can do orange juice and more water and vegetable soup and salad and fruit but I can't do yogurt. I'll probably live.

I can get orange juice but it doesn't say what kind to get. The kind I'm used to, as most people are, is chock-full of sugar and I can't imagine that's a thing I should want. But I'm not sure how unsugary or organic the orange juice is I can get. But I'll do what I can. And I assume that bottled water is fine, or at least it has to be since that's about my only option as I'm out and about.

The present plan is to go to Target on the way to the convention so I can get orange juice and so I can also use a scale to see how much weight I've lost, just for entertainment. Then it's on to the rest of it. I'm not looking forward to what seems like continuing on the cleanse but I've come too far to screw it up now... or make myself really sick.

Also, I'll continue blogging through the end of my entire experience with this, which will be through the recovery days (until Sunday) at least.

Day 10

This is it. I'm almost there. I've almost done it. Just counting down the hours now. Though it's not really even the cleanse that I'm concerned about being on, now it's the next four days of getting my body adjusted back to a normal diet; it's like four more days of being on the cleanse (getting to eat vegetable soup and fruit doesn't quite make up for it). But I knew this was what it was going to be like and now I'm almost through it.

Cost, Part 3

Juicer from Target (to replace the one I forgot at home): $12
A third bottle of maple syrup: $17 (and, so I can be completely done with it and so I don't have to buy another bottle for just a little bit, will affect how much I consume on the last day)
But thanks to Jen for bringing by a bag of lemons from her friend's tree (though after I bought more from Whole Foods)

Why I Actually Have No Problem With Starvation

If you know me, you know I had anxiety problems in 1996. I've had it under control since then, just a very low-grade attack maybe every once in a while, sometimes years apart, only in times of really high stress but nothing anywhere how bad it was that year. Back then I was having anxiety that eventually led up to an emergency room visit and resulting in therapy and medication (Xanax then Paxil and some Desyrel then later Ativan). The most significant symptom of those attacks was that my stomach would get upset and I would have no desire to eat. I've found that it's usually been the case that when I'm not feeling well I lose my appetite, whether it's an anxiety attack or a cold or flu or whatever. Back at the beginning of the anxiety attacks, which were linked to stress I had at work, I wouldn't be able to eat during the day (I worked the night-shift) but once I got to work and afterwards, I could eat just fine. But they started getting worse and worse and I ate less and less, even being unable at any time of the day or night, and I lost a lot of weight. I don't know exactly how much since I didn't weigh myself at the beginning or the end, but I know I got past the last notch on my belt and that's really thin. It probably gave me more anxiety knowing that my body was wasting away but I just couldn't bring myself to eat during most of those days; usually it was just water and maybe a bag of M&M's (not my favorite candy but for some reason it was the only thing that was even a little bit appetizing). My friend Kat, who I used to party with, would tell me "You look great!" and I was like, "But I'm gonna die." Eventually I stabilized and got better and I gained all the weight back very quickly, and probably more than I had lost. So it's always been my mantra that as long as I'm feeling okay, I don't care how much I weigh. I do admit that I was having some very low-grade attacks in the first few days of the cleanse, as my mind was associating my stomach being upset from not having anything in it as having an attack, so that became a catch-22 but I could identify it and knew that I wasn't freaking-out for real (despite that manic e-mail from Cousin Jason). So not eating is not a big deal for me. I can do it (though, of course, it's not my preference to do so if I don't have to).

Day 9

A particular reason that I'm overly excited to go to San Diego this time is that I know when I get back I'll be done with the cleanse and that I'll also have my body adjusted to my usual diet (which will be different from that point on). It probably wasn't the best idea to do the cleanse during the San Diego con but it's just made it slighly more challenging, not impossible.

I lost my water-bottle on the subway. I figured I might since it was hanging out of my bag. By the time I realized it was gone, the train was long gone. I got some bottled water, which the book rails against at great length, but it was either that or be dehyrdated and I figured non-filtered water would be better than nothing, since I wouldn't be able to filter any for at least another three hours. There are probably worse things (and I'll probably go back to bottled water on Thursday, my first day of getting my system adjusted to a normal diet, since that will be most convenient and since the book doesn't say anything against it).

The bottle of maple syrup hasn't come open or fallen on its side and yet I can still smell it. Though that could also be the smell of it -- and the toxins -- coming out through my body.

What my brother smelled the other day in the apartment might have been the discarded, moldy, squeezed lemons that had been sitting in the trash during the hot part of the day.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if in these diets where you eat horrible things, the secret is that in eating or drinking this crap, it's supposed to make you throw up what you've taken in and that makes you consume less.

Secret #1 (in the interest of being totally honest on this): My sex-drive wasn't affected early on (when I needed it) but later on it went away a little bit, though that could have been for a number of reasons (having other stuff on my mind, being too busy to think about it, etc.)

Secret #2: I shit myself only once. I thought it was a fart but then a very tiny bit of poop came out. It was all water so it was wiped off easily and I cleaned the shorts I was wearing. Yeah, you've never done anything embarassing either.

(This was written at the time it says it was posted but it was actually posted a day later.)

Day 9

Almost done with the first mixture of the day (probably only two today) then heading out to San Diego and the last day and a half of the cleanse. At this point I'm more concerned with the four days after that and trying to get my system back to normal but maybe that's the easy part. Maybe.

I still have a few things I want to write up for here so maybe I'll get some stuff written on the train.

Beginning

Here's how I started:
At about 203 pounds. I'm going to do my best to take another picture and weigh myself when I get to the end of this (Thursday or so).

Day 8 Morning

Day 7 passed (huh, huh) without event. I had probably 120 ounces of the mixture, more than I've had on any single day, but then, there were people around me eating all day. It's easy for me to avoid eating or being hungry during the day but the evening is difficult, though there's less time until going to bed.

Also, I'm at the second loop on my belt. Usually I don't keep track of my weight so I have no idea how much I gain or lose but I know how many loops on my belt I'm at. Usually I'm the third loop, on the fourth some days, sometimes I can go to the second with a bit of discomfort, mostly if I'm walking and not sitting much. At the end of the week of the high-fiber, pre-cleanse diet, I was on the second loop comfortably, and now I'm on that loop but could go to the first comfortably like I used to the second loop. Last Monday, when I started the cleanse, I was at 203 pounds (give or take a few) but I don't know what it's at now (hopefully I'll be able to check on Wednesday) but I'm in better shape than I've been in a while (even if I know it's mostly water that I've lost and that I'll gain it back when I get back to my standard diet).

Along those same lines: my last meal before I went on the cleanse, last Sunday, was almost half a 16" pizza with pepperoni, pineapple, and olive and a pink lemonade then a few hours later a small (but large small) popcorn that I barely finished the top sixth of because I put too much butter and salt on it. That would explain Monday morning.

And now the day-after-tomorrow is my last day of the cleanse. I might be on the home-stretch now. But these last days might also be the most difficult, as I'll be away from home and in an environment with people who are drinking and eating. But I've made it this far, it would be pretty dumb to give it up now.

Day 7 Night

Yeah, on this again but nothing to report. I was gonna post some stuff on here but I'm not feeling up to it. Maybe I'm paralyzed by the fact that usually I can eat the entire time I'm at my parents' place and right now I can't. Just trying to focus on not eating. So going to bed early.

Day 6 Evening

Third mixture, on the way out the door to Riverside. I have to pack up all the stuff for the cleanse because I won’t be back here until Monday and this is a test for when I leave on Tuesday and won’t be back before I’m done with the cleanse. But I think I’m all right. I have everything on the counter all together so all I have to do is dump it in a case and go. And I’m going.

I might post again tonight, I might post tomorrow morning, might post tomorrow night, might post Monday morning, maybe not until I get back probably mid-Monday. Not sure. Up in the air. But the cleanse continues.

Day 6 Afternoon

You probably don’t want to hear any more about my poop but it’s really coming out today. I’ll take that as a good sign, that as my colon gets cleaner, things are coming out easier. And I lit a candle in the bathroom and opened some windows.

Now it’s the afternoon, two mixtures and about four poops later, and I should probably be a bit more hydrated but my pee isn’t yellow quite yet.

Day 6

I ended up staying at the movies last night until about 1am (nice, for distracting me from getting something to eat) and didn’t get home until shortly after that so that was the end of my cleanse-day, except for the Smooth Move I took before bed. I found a big downside to this cleanse, though: I drink a lot of water to stay hydrated, which has been recommended by everyone who has heard about it, and I didn’t realize how much I pee since I’ve been home and I can just pee whenever I want. However, getting out in public, especially at a movie, I feel my bladder starting to fill after just 20 minutes so I’m stuck between not staying hydrated and having to climb over people in a crowd theater to get out and pee again. The first movie was the worst, at two and a half hours long (only three pee-breaks in that one, and I saved the last one until after). The rest were better and I was able to pace myself, especially since I only had the one bottle of water (and couldn’t get any more because I had to have my own filtered water from home). In any case, lesson learned.

As for today, that marks half-way through this thing. I’ve made it this far, I don’t see why I can’t go the distance.

And my poops are really starting to stink.

Day 5, Afternoon

The book says that you shouldn’t be stressed when on this diet but right now I’m about as angry as I could be. Fuck the Arclight Cinema (and I won’t include a link for them because I’m not promoting a business that deserves to eat the watery shit right out of my ass). But I’m going to the AMC to see The Dark Knight instead.

I slurped down a mixture in one gulp and I think that will carry me until at least 7, when I get back from the movie. Oh, and a wheatgrass on the way out the door.

Beginning of Day 5

Another day, just like the ones before it (well, at least this week, while I’ve been on the cleanse). I’ll spare you the details. It’s boring even to me. But as far as the cleanse goes: Full speed ahead.

End Of Day 4

I didn’t go for a walk tonight but I did take a bath (at 11:30). Bathing with Epsom salt isn’t as nice as bathing in bubbles. And a hot bath when the rest of the apartment is hot (since it’s, you know, summer in California) isn’t as comfortable as I would like but at least I bathed today.

I had a mixture around 10 when I got off the couch, a wheatgrass tablet a bit after that, and had some peppermint tea a little bit ago. Peppermint tea might not be the exact thing for me but maybe after I’m done with the cleanse I’ll find some other kind of tea to have, especially since it’s a natural digestion aid.

I’ve been getting that thing that happens when I eat spicy food (and Grape-Nuts, for some reason) where acid comes up from the back of my throat, from the cayenne pepper in the mixture. You add the pepper to taste and I usually put a lot because I like the kick and because I can’t measure 1/10 of a teaspoon but maybe I should pull back a bit. It might be acid-reflux but I’m not sure.

A certain thing has happened on this cleanse while I’m on my computer: I’m not reading as much. When I eat here in my home, I’m in front of my computer and usually, since I only have so much room on this desk, I put the keyboard out of the way and read some kind of article while I’m eating. Once I’m done eating, I’ll usually keep reading to the end of the article or I’ll read some other stuff so I can relax. But since I’m not eating, I’m not reading nearly as much. I would have thought, in advance, that that might happen, but I’m actually down to reading almost zero. Though that also means that I must be doing something while I’m sitting at the computer and I hope I can say that that’s a lot of e-mail these days (since it’s my ongoing challenge to catch up on that). It’s probably not advisable to sit at my computer while I’m trying to not eat, since sitting at the computer will remind me of eating, but things need doing.

Now it’s to bed (well, couch) shortly and then tomorrow, another day of salt-water, watery poops, and, of course, not eating.

Day 4 Continues

All of my poops since Monday morning have been watery (I’ll spare you the details) but I think there are still chunks coming out so I’d like to think that that’s the sediment that’s been building in there for 34 years and that’s the stuff I’m aiming to get out of me.

My brother Taylor (who’s staying with me for a while) came home a little while ago and said that it stinks in here. I couldn’t smell anything. It might be me.

Gonna log off and read for a while then take a nap. I think I feel like staying up late tonight. I’ll probably take a walk when I wake up then take a bath with Epsom salts after that then return here to tell you more about my poop.

Cost, Part 2

Trader Joe’s Grade B Maple syrup: $16.99
Organic lemons, 24: $23.71
But I have enough sea-salt for the next 10 years, at least.

Time, Two

Of course, then it suddenly gives the correct time. I don't know what the hell is going on with that.

Time

By the way, the times it says I'm posting these is WAY off. I didn't think I'd have to but I'll end each post with the time I publish it.
12:30pm

An Hour And A Half Ago

I had some peppermint tea last night while watching a movie. I’m so used to eating, usually popcorn, during a flick that drinking something, especially tea (which I rarely drink in the first place), was a strange experience.

Having first mixture of the day. At the same time I’m getting used to it, I’m also getting tired of it. I used a lime and a lemon yesterday in a mixture, instead of two lemons, and that was only a slight change.

I could probably stretch the last four lemons (and half-dozen limes) I have into tomorrow but I might as well go to Whole Foods today to get more. And since I’m out I need to get more maple syrup, since I go through that quick. And I’ve been told that the “dark ember” stuff is better, though a bottle of that is $18, not $17 like the regular stuff. Plenty of wheatgrass tablets left to take, though.

Beginning of Day 4

To be completely honest, while I'm totally into this cleanse-thing, it's difficult to get excited about waking up and drinking salt-water.

Day 3

Got up around 10, had the salt-water mixture, a wheatgrass tablet an hour after that, my first mixture an hour after that. A lot like yesterday. Now having another mixture before I leave for a few hours, then, if it’s not too late when I get home, have another one then wait three hours then Smooth Move and go to bed. That’s my plan, at least.

You’ll notice the drop-off in entries starting Monday evening. I was very excited about this then got a few e-mails from people – good, knowledgeable friends – who had some concern about this diet and what I was doing, especially one friend whose knowledge I respect greatly who said that I could die on this thing. The message was a bit more extreme than it needed to be, and the fears I had went away after talking to my doctor-friend, but it did make me pause for a while and, to be honest, took away a lot of my excitement I had for this. But I decided to go ahead with the cleanse anyway and here I am on Day 3 and I’d like to see this through to the end. So far so good, at least. In any case, I’m going to try to get my enthusiasm back for this because there’s some other stuff I want to post, as well as more details about the cleanse itself and what I’m doing.

Near The End Of Day 2

(From about an hour ago:) Freaking starving. But it’s because I haven’t even had the mixture since this afternoon at about 2. If you only get to consume one thing, you should consume that thing on time. Another wheatgrass tablet, finishing this in a half-hour or so then going to sleep before 2, hopefully, taking Smooth Move on the way.

Day 2

Got up at about 10 today, had the salt-water shortly after that. Had a wheatgrass tablet an hour after that. Currently finishing drinking my first mixture of the day and lots of water (as usual). Talked to a doctor who said that while the cleanse may not be completely advisable, it’s not life-threatening.

Done with Day 1

Finished the mixture a few hours ago. Took another wheatgrass tablet. Brushed my teeth so I could officially done with all of it for now, except for the Smooth Move tablet I will take just before I go to sleep at 2:30 (later than I’d intended but it’s three hours after I, um, “ate” last since I have to take the Smooth Move on an empty stomach).

Still Waiting

Went for a walk. Thinking things over.

Having a second helping of the mixture. My earlier mix was off on the math: Since I was tripling the ingredients for three helpings of the mixture, I should have tripled the amount of maple syrup as well. I don't know what I was thinking. Doing it right now.

Not Sure

Drinking some of the peppermint tea. It’s pretty good. Especially better having something hot. Am I going crazy or is there a hint of banana bread in it?

Definitely hungry. But not sick. It’s slowly dawning on me: I’m going to go through 10 days of this. And it’s not even bad yet.

Took another wheatgrass tablet.

Opened e-mails from the day. Waiting for someone to call me back.

First Dose Down

Finished the first dose of the mixture. Not bad (though that last gulp was harsh, for as much cayenne pepper as I put into it).

I totally could not do this diet if I wasn’t allowed to drink water. Luckily, it’s a cornerstone of it (if not all diets).

I just realized I haven't peed in about four hours. And I'm drinking a lot of water. I might be a bit dehydrated. It’s also a little difficult for me to concentrate but you know I’m a bit daffy anyway.

Some concern from others if the cleanse is a good idea, especially since it isn’t recommended by mainstream doctors. Yes, I realize that it may not be the most advisable thing but neither is junk food. I figure there’s worse I could do. Figure it’s a step above a starvation diet, and people do those from time to time and are fine. There are people who have gotten to the other side of the cleanse and have gone on to do it again. There are people who will recommend the stuff that goes into what you take while on the diet. So I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to see this through to the end, no matter what happens. As always I appreciate the concern but I think this is the way to go right now.

Comment from Jeff

A comment from my buddy Jeff that I think deserves recognition:
Mar, I may choose not to follow this too closely, but I do hope that everything comes out fine (I was debating using the phrase "goes smoothly," butt asscertained that one was just as childish as the other). I just thought I'd leave this link to my favorite blog entry "Journey to the Center of My Colon." http://ukemillennium.blogspot.com/2005/07/journey-to-center-of-my-colon.html

My schedule for the 10 days I'm on the diet, in case it's affected:
Monday -- Nothing planned except starting the cleanse.
Tuesday -- Lewis Black show taping with Emmy.
Wednesday -- HeroClix with friends at the comics shop.
Thursday -- Maybe all-day movie-day with Austin.
Friday -- Was supposed to be happy hour and my return to drinking but I can't do that if I'm on this diet so I canceled those plans. Presumably seeing The Dark Knight, if not on this day then over the weekend.
Saturday -- Art show in Eagle Rock in the evening.
Sunday -- In Riverside to see Racheal.
Monday -- Again, nothing planned, except maybe coming back from Riverside if I stayed the night.
Tuesday -- Possibly going to San Diego.
Wednesday -- Definitely in San Diego since the convention starts that night.
Then the next four days will be the convention and hanging out with Brian and friends but by that time it's been 10 days and I should be done with the diet by then. The cleanse fits in exactly with the time between now and being in San Diego for the convention but it's going to be tricky, with the last day of the cleanse being the first day of the convention. Also, I'm used to drinking and dining and partying while I'm there so this year will probably have to be different.

The Mixture

What I mixed:
About 28 ounces of water
4 juiced lemons (juiced hard, and I put some of the pulp in with it)
2 heaping tablespoons of the maple syrup, so probably closer to 3
Probably about half a teaspoon of the cayenne pepper

The verdict:
It’s not too bad. I’ve had worse. It’s a bit like the aftertaste you’d have after having orange juice and pancakes. I’ll probably put in less cayenne pepper next time but for this it’s got a nice kick to it.

I don’t usually take notice of how much time it takes to drink a tumbler of 30 ounces of water. I may drink this stuff faster, I may drink it slower. I may not drink it as much as I do water because I’m not doing it casually. If I have to have 60 ounces of this at a minimum, I have to have another one of these before the end of the day. Maybe another one on top of that. Tomorrow I can pace it better because I have the stuff to make it in the morning. I was told that you can mix the herbal tea with it but I think the taste is fine for now. I might save the tea to drink warm so that can be my one hot meal for the day. (Having at least one warm meal a day helps fight depression.)

Not so hungry anymore but it’s certainly not filling as, say, something else. (Not mentioning specific food here, just in case.) And it’s not making me poop. Not yet, at least.

Update: Between beginning and finishing this entry, I drank more than half of it.

Pre-Mixture

From Roxxy, over IM: “so much poop talk”
For the first bit. That's all I've had going on so far. I don’t know how much this cleanse will have to do with pooping but hopefully there’s something else going on.

I was thinking of going swimming one day this week, as I often do when it’s hot, but I’m not going to while cleansing. There’s something in the book about the toxins coming out through the pores in your skin and it’s probably best to not mix chlorine with that. I’ll live, in any case. But I have Epsom salt, which it says are good to bathe in and I think I’ll do that tonight (as I really should be bathing with some frequency while on this, no matter how much I’m staying home and avoiding being around people).

Currently hungry. If I wasn’t on this thing, I would have eaten by now. Not tired, though. Don’t feel like a nap. Maybe slightly dizzy and a little scatterbrained but that could come from the hunger.

Okay, I’m gonna make the mixture. Let’s do this.

Whether I should be bicycling and whether that can be considered “strenuous,” I did it and now I’m back. Probably not too far from 85 degrees outside.

Whole Foods is awesome. But expensive. A clerk there totally helped me out with stuff. She knew about the Master Cleanse and said I had the right stuff. (The book says you can use limes instead of lemons but it’s supposed to be a lemonade mixture so I’ll probably still with lemons though I might mix n’ match some.) She said the wheatgrass tablets actually work better than the mix or the grass itself. That’s an extra thing in the book and I intended to get it, though it turned out to be the most expensive thing to buy. At least three of those tablets a day, she said. For some reason I thought the Smooth Move was a mix but she said there’s a variety of them you can get but the tablets are fine (I think they were out of the other stuff). She also said I should get some milk thistle (?) but they were out and, really, since it’s not in the book, I’d rather avoid it. I told her I was also drinking the salt-water and she turned her nose up at that so I can assume that’s probably the worst thing out of all of it. And since I was cool with that, maybe the rest will be a breeze. Also, the check-out girl at the place was cute.

Gelson’s, as a supermarket, sucks. It’s expensive, the check-out is incredibly inefficient, and it’s not Vons.

Wheatgrass tablet. More water. Those tablets taste like complete ass, by the way.

Gonna make some of the mix. Give me a minute.

Cost Of This Thing

Organic lemons, 18: $17.82
Organic limes, 6: $3.00
Organic peppermint tea, 16 bags (2 boxes): $3.99 each
Smooth Move fiber tablets, 180 count: $17.99
Organic wheatgrass juice tablets, 90 count: $37.49

From last night:
Sea-salt, 26.5 ounces: $4.79
Ground cayenne pepper, 1.75 ounces: $6.39

Extra:
Juicer: $4.59 (should have already had one)
Epsom salt, 4 pounds: $3.99

Don’t count the price of the Brita filters.

Reasons

One of the things the book says to do is make a list of reasons to do the cleanse. Having this list available is supposed to be a good reminder of why I'm doing the cleanse and would keep me on track but I had the reasons in mind and I knew I was going to carry through with it anyway. But here's my list anyway (roughly in this order):
1. To be healthier.
2. To say I did it.
3. Just to see what happens.
4. To see if it works.
5. If it works, to be able to recommend it to my friends and family, who probably need it more than I do.
6. The challenge of doing it.
7. To have a mission during my time off.
8. To stop myself from eating junk food for at least 10 days.
9. To get myself on a better diet in the long-term.
10. To prove to myself that I can actually stop eating junk food for at least 10 days.
11. Because Brian works out a lot and I'm envious of his getting in shape. Why should he be able to wear 34-waist jeans and not me?
12. To better appreciate food once I can start eating again.
13. To torture myself. Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
14. To lose weight. (Please note how far down the list this is.)

Afternoon, On My Way Out

A bit concerned about the toxins in the water from the bathroom sink that I use to wash my mouth out with after I brush my teeth. Toxins could stay in your mouth and then get washed down later.

Kinda hungry. And this would be around the time I would normally eat on a day that I’m at home so I should get going on getting the stuff for the mix. It’s also well past 2 already, and even warmer than it was earlier, so I seriously need to get going.

Going now.

Journal Note About Blogs

I say this in just about every blog I do: I fucking hate HTML. Hate, hate, hate. It fucks up my formatting and what I'm looking at and is perfect before I publish it looks different when it goes online. In particular, that it won't indent lines and that it will remove one space after a period, I have no fucking idea in the world why. But it's a necessary evil, especially on Blogspot. Just know that if what I post is less than as perfect as I could make it, it's not me. Fuck HTML.

First Comment

From Emmy: "Wow you really did write about poop"
My reply: "So far, it's all been about my poop so that's what I have to write about so far."

I'm also trying to make sure that everyone knows that communication I have about this diet and the replies that people might send about it (like a reply to the e-mail I sent) I may use in this blog. It is likely that if anyone leaves a Comment here in this blog I will respond to it in its own entry. However I let you know about this blog -- whether through e-mail or MySpace or Facebook bulletin -- I've already told you this so you should already know. But I just want to make sure everyone is cool with this. Some people might get upset if I use their correspondence or name in a blog. And that's cool, just let me know if it's a problem.

"The Book"

And another poop. All water.

Collette (the lady I met at Trader Joe’s) said that you should keep exercising while you’re on the Master Cleanse while the book says that you shouldn’t do any strenuous activity while on it, just keep it low-key, though walking is okay. I’m going to try biking, down to Whole Foods, in a bit. A week and a half of no running while I’m off work is going to be weird, since I try to run as much as I can when I’m not working, but I’ll go with that. But I’ll bike as much as I can (I really don’t have any reason to drive anywhere until this coming weekend) and I’ll walk… as long as I can safely get away from the toilet.

“The book” I keep referring to is a “master-cleanse-book” PDF that Amy sent with her first e-mail about the cleanse. (There’s no cover on it and no name, in the beginning at least, so I don’t know what else I can call it besides “the book.”) The e-mail she sent me was a good start but the book explains everything about the cleanse, answers questions, details the recipes, explains why these things work and others don’t, etc. It’s a good read, as well as going pretty quick. If you came to this blog by way of an e-mail I sent you (or will send, in a little while) then I attached the .pdf of the book to that e-mail and it’s right there. If you came here by way of the MySpace or Facebook bulletin, let me know or send me a MySpace message or an e-mail (to MAR 93 at AOL dot com, of course) and I’ll send you the book. Again, it’s a quick read and even if you don’t go on the cleanse, it might lead you to rethink your eating habits (which would benefit just about anyone in the civilized world).

Really thirsty. I’m dehydrated already. (Well, duh. All this water is coming out my ass. I’d bet that I’ve already shat more water than was in that tumbler.)

I’m waiting until probably 1 to go to Whole Foods. I don’t want to get halfway down the road on my bike and suddenly feel a watery poop coming on. I know it’s in the hot part of the day (iGoogle says it’s 83 degrees in North Hollywood at 12:24). But the book says it’s good to go into a sauna while on this thing, since sweating out a lot of the toxins can help, so I figure being in Southern California and a hot apartment can be a lot of that.

First Poop (Earlier)

I had written the previous entry and started double-checking when I felt that poop coming on. No big deal, I know my usual morning ones and it’s not a big deal to put it off for a bit. Then I got done halfway done editing that entry and there was no way, I had to get to the bathroom right then. Got there just in the nick of time (my computer and toilet are about 10 feet apart). It was a solid poop but there was a lot of water with it. And it kept going for a while, just like with diarrhea. So apparently the salt-water/filtered-water mixture is working. As I found out when I came back, I left halfway through typing a sentence. So there might be a bit of a delay in some of these entries.

It says you should be near a toilet for the first hour and a half after you take the salt-water mixture. That’s not a joke. It might even need to say that you should just plan to be on the toilet for at least an hour and a half.

First Salt-Water

First salt-water done. That wasn’t so bad. Or bad at all. The book (more on that in a minute) says to put 1 teaspoon of saltwater in 25-30 ounces of water. For some reason, I thought it was 2 teaspoons (or even tablespoons, like in the lemonade mixture) so I went ahead and had 2 heaping teaspoons and drank that down. Pretty easy. And I’m done with that part for the day.

Turns out 30 ounces is the same as one of the tumblers I drink out of (if you’ve ever seen me at work or at my computer, you’ve seen one of these tumblers. I bought a bunch of them from the 99 Cents Only Store years ago). And if I have to drink only two or three of those for the lemonade mixture throughout the day, that’s not going to be a big deal. It’s not a lot to drink, and the book says only 60-120 ounces of the lemonade drink, so I guess I can only have four tumblers of those, max. I drink that much water when I’m just here alone during the day, at least.

I drove back from Riverside last night after hanging out with a friend (more on that friend and more on that evening in a bit) and went to Vons, getting there about 10 to 2 in the morning (not an unusual time for me to go by there). I got the sea-salt and the cayenne pepper but they had no organic lemons. Of course they have to be organic. I was planning on going to Whole Foods today to get the Smooth Move stuff as well as the rest of my supplies so I’ll have to get the lemons there. No big deal. I’m sure they’ll have them. And there might even be some people there I can ask about this diet since I’m sure they’ve seen it before. I also forgot to get one of those things to juice fruit with so I’ll have to go by Vons again.

Some concern if I got the right salt. It’s sea-salt, alright. The bottle says “Sea Salt Fine Crystals” but not much other information. “This Salt Does Not Supply Iodide, A Necessary Nutrient” also, and “Naturally White Salt” and “Ingredients: Sea Salt: Magnesia, Anti-Caking Agent, E535.” Baleine brand. That was the best they had at the Vons. If there was anything else available, it wasn’t there.

The book is really harsh on getting the right filter for the water. With as much water as you have to put down for this thing, this doesn’t surprise me and I understand. It says that you can’t use tap water, of course, and it even says that bottled water is bad. Even filtered water at from store doesn’t have the right kind of filtering. It recommends a certain kind of home-filtering system but I don’t have it and I don’t have the time to get it. It doesn’t say anything about Brita filters but that’s what I have and that’s what I’m going to use. I cleaned mine last night and put a new filter in it so it’s as ready to go as it’s going to get. The idea, of course, is to clean your body of toxins so it doesn’t make sense if you’re putting toxins back in, through the water. The tap water here in my apartment is infamously bad. But it’s all I have. Maybe if I get enough energy from this diet like it says I’m going to get, I’ll write that letter to the owner.

I can’t get have the lemonade mixture now because I don’t have the lemons but I’m drinking water, which I have to do anyway, so I think that’s fine.

The salt-water left me full. I suppose I could say I’m hungry right now but that’s because I woke up with an empty stomach. This often happens. And even though I’m hungry, I really, truly do not feel like eating, a state which happens every day. It takes me at least a few hours after waking up to feel like eating at all, this is a usual thing.

I’m about to have my first poop. This one was brewing already as I woke up so I doubt the salt-water mixture worked/works that fast.

And in case I’m pooping a lot: Currently I have in the bathroom the October 2007 issue of Spin.

Day 1: It's On

Awake. About to have my first salt-water mixture. Marking this moment.

Master Cleanse: Day 0

So I am starting the Master Cleanse diet tomorrow, Monday, July 14.

I'm always interested in feeling better and taking care of my body. Granted, I often don't put this into practice and I don't eat as well as I should and I don't exercise as much as I ought to but it's always something I consider doing when I can fit it into my life. I've never been hard-core about dieting, though there have been times when I've gotten good about exercising -- getting up early before work to run, running every day, bicycling instead of driving, walking in the evening. Diets never seem worth-while to me because it seems like once you lose the weight you want and you're done with the diet, you go back to your old habits and you gain all the weight back. If I'm going to change my dieting or exercising, I want it to be a change that will be a part of my life and my habits and, thereby, a lot easier to stick to.

I try to eat well, when I can. I try to limit the sugar and fat in my diet, though anyone who knows me or who has dined with me knows I'm not religious about that. I admit that I could always do better but I usually just don't see the point. I don't get so much pleasure out of the taste of food so usually it's just convenience that I'm after in what I eat, something I can make quickly and easily, and something that's cheap and will fill me up so I don't have to eat again for a while. Every meal I eat at home is in front of my computer and usually I put off eating until I'm starving and by that time I eat so much that I don't feel like having to eat again for quite a while. I enjoy dining with friends but when I'm eating by myself it's generally cheap, easy, and fast. For the last few years I've concentrated on getting more fiber into my diet, usually 1 gram of fiber in foods for every 100 calories (though usually not paying much attention to sodium and fat). Exercising usually comes on the weekends, if that. On any of these diets I'm not concerned about losing weight (though I could do to lose about 20 or 30 pounds to get to the weight that my BMI says is average for my height) but I'm concerned about feeling better and having the most energy I can have so I can get things done.

I've never made a firm commitment to changing my eating habits. Last summer I got a colonic (well, two; one the day after the first, just to do it) and I don't know if that did so much for me since I realize that that's something you have to do regularly over six weeks and change habits in your life and all that, and I dipped my toe in and that's it. I got done with work last week (July 3) and I might have the summer off so I thought about making some changes, at least for a little while, just to see what I could do, and every little bit helps anyway so why not? I decided on extending my high-fiber diet and getting much more serious about it, really only eating high-fiber cereal (Grape-Nuts, Special K Protein, Raisin Bran, Cheerios) with fat-free milk, lentil bean soup, Morning Star veggie "chik'n" patties on wheat bread, chili (which has a lot more fiber in it than the rest of this stuff), and as many bananas, apples, and celery and carrots as I could put down, as well as adding a Benefiber supplement to my drinking water. By process of elimination, that meant that I was cutting out meat, most diary (notably cheese), and extra salt. And of course drinking more water, which is the the cornerstone of nearly any diet, but, man, I drink a lot of water, I really do. It would actually be difficult for me to drink more. The first few days of the more-fiber diet went well, and I stayed full and ate when I was hungry and, most importantly, had a lot of energy through the day (though that could also have been due to the excitement of having the time off work and the encouragement of getting things done in my life and getting a full night's sleep). The extra energy wore off by Thursday but I know these things go in waves and I'm fine with that. I realized, though, that a lot of this food I was eating had a lot of sodium in it, though I wasn't adding salt to anything I ate like I often do, and maybe more fat, but basically maybe this stuff wasn't so great for me but I know I was doing something positive, at least, and eating better than I usually do. At least I hoped so.

My break from my diet came on Wednesday when I had lunch with the lovely and talented Amy. It had been a while since I had seen her and she had suggested eating at an Indian place near where I live. I had actually made plans with her before I realized that I would have to break my diet but I realized that there was no sense in being militant about it so I had the lamb vandaloo and there was cheese on the nan. But that was the only break I took and I didn't feel bad about it. Most notably, from part of our lunch conversation Amy told me about how she had gone on the Master Cleanse diet and that it went pretty well and she had some friends that went on it that said it was great. I had heard about the diet and had considered it but, obviously, hadn't made the leap. But I had the time now and, well, how bad could it be? When would it be a better time for me to do it? So Amy sent me the recipe, which detailed the diet as such:

LEMONADE DIET
The Lemonade Diet: 2 Tbsp Lemon or Lime juice (approx, 1/2 lemon),
2 Tbsp genuine maple syrup (not maple flavored sugar syrup)
1/10 Tsp cayenne pepper (red pepper) or to taste
Water, medium hot (spring or purified water)
Combine the juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper in a 10 oz, glass and fill with medium hot water. (Cold water may be used if preferred). Use fresh lemons or limes only. Take from six to twelve glasses of the lemonade daily during the waking period. As you get hungry, have another glass of lemonade. NO OTHER FOOD SHOULD BE TAKEN DURING THE FULL PERIOD OF THE DIET. Mint tea may be used occasionally during the diet as a pleasant change and to assist further in the cleaning.

INTERNAL SALT WATER BATHING
Prepare a full quart of Luke-warm water and add two level (rounded for the Canadian quart) teaspoons of un-iodized sea salt. Do not use ordinary iodized salt. Drink the entire quart of salt and water first thing in the morning. This must be taken on an empty stomach. The salt and water will no separate but will stay intact and quickly and thoroughly wash the entire tract in about one hour. Several eliminations will likely occur. This may be taken as often as needed for proper washing of the entire digestive system.

Once I started telling people about it, and once I mentioned it on the Status Update on my Facebook profile, and especially since I got a friend asking what the Master Cleanse diet was, I knew I was locked and I had to go through with it. Amy said I had to get the maple syrup at Trader Joe's so on the way out of town for the weekend I stopped by to get some. The bottle, which was 32 ounces, was $17 (apparently the maple syrup crop was enemic this year) but that's the price to pay for it, oh well. I asked the stock-person if they had cayenne pepper but he said that's something I have to get at Vons. However, a lady passing by overheard us and asked me if I was going on the Master Cleanse diet. She said she goes on it frequently and we got to talking about it. She seemed like an attractive, healthy person, so that was encouraging. She gave me a few tips, including:
* No, you're not allowed to drink alcohol while on the diet.
* Yes, do the salt-water part of it.
* Get the Smooth Move drink mix at Whole Foods to take at night.
* Once you get done with the diet, you may never even want to even go back to your old diet.
* Apparently, with all the toxins coming out out of the body through the skin, your body and breath will stink and your skin may break out.
* It's possible to be completely out of energy and not feel well at some point through it but once you get done with it you'll feel better than ever.
* You may start acting a little differently, with the toxins coming out through your brain.
* Make sure you're mentally and emotionally ready to do it.
"Emotionally ready?" Well, uh, I think so. I hope so. I can't imagine a better time to do it than now. But that makes it sound like something that is going to detox me to my very soul, not just my colon. But hey, whatever works.

My body and mind may go through some real changes and I'm interested in how those changes will affect me and my mental health. So I've decided to write a blog that will detail everything I do and how I feel, going into my customary obsessive detail. So if you want to know how it's going... well, here it is. I will update this as much as possible, as I will not be encouraged to leave home (and my toilet) and I may not want to be around people (as I will stink) and I may be too cranky to even be around people (as I am normally, but maybe now moreso (if that's possible)). As is also my custom, I won't censor myself and I won't go back and change old entries. I'll just keep adding to what I have and that will be it. I appreciate any comments, especially thoughts about the diet, and any bit of encouragement can help. Your positive vibes will be my sustenance. Along with maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, salt, and lots and lot and lots of water.